apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize