Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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