It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
