Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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