weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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