At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
