one might say we're banned from that church
Is it because I queefed?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
