proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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