Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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