moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
