is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
