Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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