You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
