the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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