your room smells of hookers.
And success
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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