Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
