I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
