I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
