Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
