dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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