Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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