Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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