Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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