Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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