I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
