My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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