She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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