I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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