i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
