If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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