two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
