Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
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And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
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stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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