If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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