i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
