Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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