Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
