if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
