this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
