o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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