Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
