How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
farters have to be the big spoon...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
