Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
