none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
