just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
