Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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