i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
