I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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