i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
