my phone needs a breathalizer
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
