youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Soap is not a condiment
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Randomize
