tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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