Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
