If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Let's paint friendship bongs
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
