I didn't shave. On purpose
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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