I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i now understand why vodka
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
