i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
