Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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