You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My penis needs a shock collar
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
