guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
