Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
