I want to have your abortion
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
