went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
