Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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