im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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