i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
