Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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