....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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