I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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