the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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