You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
But break dance skills will only take you so far
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
