WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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