Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
